By John Chipponeri, San Rafael, CA
For much of my life, I thought being a man meant standing on my own and dealing with life on my own.. I was taught—like many men—that strength meant not showing weakness, not asking for help, and certainly not talking about feelings. But the truth is, that model of masculinity doesn’t hold up. It isolates us. It leaves us carrying heavy burdens alone. And it keeps us from the healing and growth we really need.
That’s why men’s work has become so important to me. In today’s world, it’s not about outdated ideas of toughness. It’s about creating spaces where men can come together, drop the masks, and build brotherhood, healing, and resilience. And most importantly to tap into and stand in our gentle masculine strength. The power that brings love to ourselves and in our relationships.
What Do We Mean by “Men’s Work”?
Men’s work is not a single program or formula. It’s a movement—one that takes many forms. It can look like men gathering in circles to share openly. It can be retreats, mentorship, or even just honest conversations between friends.
At its core, men’s work is about creating intentional space for men to do four things:
- Connect – with other men and ultimately with themselves
- Be Heard & Challenged – through vulnerable sharing and firm honest feedback
- Heal – from old wounds, traumas, and unhealthy patterns.
- Grow – into more authentic, grounded versions of themselves.
It’s not about excluding women or competing with them. It’s about learning how to show up better in our families, relationships, communities, and workplaces by first doing our own inner work.
Why Brotherhood Matters
One of the biggest challenges for men today is isolation. We live in a culture that rewards independence but often punishes vulnerability. Many men don’t have close friends they can open up to. Studies even show that loneliness among men is at an all-time high, and it has real impacts on our health.
Men’s work offers an antidote: brotherhood. When men gather in honesty, something shifts. We realize we’re not alone in our struggles. We see that the challenges we thought were uniquely ours — fear, shame, anger, insecurity, low self-esteem — are actually shared by others.
Brotherhood can dissolve our problems, by making them lighter to carry. It reminds us that we were never meant to walk through life alone.
The Healing Power of Men’s Work
Every man I know carries wounds—some from childhood, some from relationships, some simply from the weight of expectations. For years, many of us bury those wounds. We numb them with work, with substances, with compulsive distractions. But buried pain doesn’t disappear. It leaks into our lives in ways we don’t always see.
Men’s work creates a space where healing can happen. It allows men to speak truths they’ve never said out loud. It gives permission to feel emotions we thought we were supposed to suppress. And it offers the support of other men who are walking similar paths.
Healing isn’t quick or easy. But when we face our wounds instead of running from them, we stop passing them on—to our partners, our children, and others.
Building Resilience in Today’s World
Modern life isn’t easy. Stress, uncertainty, and constant change affect us all. For men, resilience isn’t about pretending everything is fine or powering through at all costs. It’s about building oneself up with inner strength so that we can show up for ourselves, our partners and our families.
Through men’s work, resilience is built in a few key ways:
- Emotional Awareness – Learning to name and regulate emotions instead of ignoring them.
- Accountability – Having brothers who call us forward when we slip into unhealthy patterns.
- Authenticity – Dropping the need to perform and living from a place of truth.
- Narrative Busting – Conscious challenge by the group to check and test the reality of our stories.
When we develop these qualities, we’re better equipped to handle whatever life throws our way. Resilience doesn’t mean avoiding pain—it means learning to walk through it with courage and support. This is what we refer to as true power, the power that is backed by love for self and for those that we love.
Men’s Work in the Modern Context
Some dismiss masculinity as outdated, but I believe it’s more relevant now than ever. In a world where mental health crises are rising, where families are strained, and where communities feel fractured, men stepping into deeper work around the experience of living in a testosterone body is essential to healing our collective past trauma.
Men’s work is not about returning to the past or clinging to rigid stereotypes. It’s about creating a new model of masculinity—one rooted in openness, responsibility, and compassion. It’s about becoming men who can hold both strength and tenderness, who can lead with integrity, and who can stand shoulder-to-shoulder with others instead of above them.
My Own Experience
I’ll be honest: stepping into men’s work wasn’t easy for me. I was coming out of a personal crisis and knew I couldn’t do it alone. I had a calling to connect with men and through MeetUp I found a local group. It felt uncomfortable at first to sit in a circle of men and share what I was really feeling. But over time, I realized that the discomfort was exactly what I needed. Through the process of narrative busting came real authentic guidance that subtly shifted my relationship with myself, my new brothers and in my relationships. It dislodged me from my stories.
Through these spaces, I’ve experienced brotherhood that goes deeper than surface-level friendship. I’ve found healing in areas I didn’t even know I needed it. And I’ve built resilience that helps me show up better for the people I love.
For me, men’s work isn’t about fixing myself—it’s about remembering who I truly am and living from that place. I now have a circle of men that I truly love and through that it brings me closer to loving myself. I have learned to not leak the power in me associated with low self-esteem and co-dependence enabling me to live true to my needs, wants, desires and ultimately my essence. I have found that others like this new me – true and sincere.
Closing Thoughts
Men’s work in the modern world is not about being perfect or fitting into a mold. It’s about being real. It’s about breaking cycles of isolation, healing wounds that have held us back, and learning how to stand together in strength and vulnerability.
When men commit to this path, we don’t just change ourselves—we change how we show up in relationships, for our families, our communities, and the world around us.
Brotherhood, healing, and resilience aren’t just buzzwords. They are the foundations of a healthier, more connected way of being a man. And they are built, one honest conversation at a time.